It's Like Comparing Pineapples and Oranges
by psychout89
Summary: When finished there will be 50 lovely little and by little i mean short oneshots. Each chapter is about different opposites.
1. Big & Small

_here's another story for you to enjoy... and p.s. i don't own psych or anyhting else :D_

_oh and if you haven't read Now Hiring then you might get confused about my OC so... you might want to read that just to get an idea about her... or not its up to you :D_

* * *

**Big & Small**

"Dude. Look at him."

"We know, Shawn."

"But _dude_. Look how…"

"Big?" Andy supplied.

"Huge?" Gus offered.

"Giant?"

"Enormous?"

"Massive?"

"Gargantuan?"

"Ginormous?"

"Uh, Andy? 'Ginormous' isn't a word."

"Says who?"

"The dictionary."

"That thing doesn't know anything."

"Guys!" Shawn whisper-yelled.

"Sorry."

"Yeah, sorry."

"Any ideas on how we're gonna get in?" Gus asked.

"Nope, nothing yet," the fake psychic replied.

"Ooh! I have an idea!" Andy said, as she sprung out of their hiding spot and ran across the street.

"Andy!" Shawn whispered.

Turning around she mouthed _Just watch_ to the still hidden duo. She sauntered up to the man they had been watching. Unable to hear what they were saying, Shawn and Gus just sat in their bush waiting.

"Dude, look how small she is compared to him."

"Shawn, I thought we established that he was jacked."

"Well yeah, but just look at the two of them next to each other."

Suddenly Andy screamed, startling the guys in the bush. The next thing they knew, the guy was sprinting down the street, flailing his arms, and screaming like a girl. Shawn and Gus went over to their partner.

"What did you _do_?" Gus asked, astounded.

"Nothing, I swear. I tried telling him who my uncle was but that didn't work cause apparently Uncle Carlton was the one who ordered him to stand there."

"Why'd you scream?" Shawn questioned.

"He had a spider on his head," she replied, nonchalantly shrugging her shoulders.

"Really?"

"Looked like it. Of course, it could've just have been his terrible haircut," she said with a grin.

"Oh, you're evil," Gus said. Shawn just smiled and held up his fist. The three fist-bumped and went inside.

"What happens when he realizes there isn't a spider?"

"Gus, don't be a silly sunflower. He'll be halfway to LA before he notices that," Andy said with a laugh. "Plus, I'm pretty sure we'll be gone by then. Right Shawn?"

"As long as I get what I came for…" the fake psychic said determinately. "Hi! I'll have the extra-large, French vanilla, caramel caffelatte… oh and a small pineapple Danish… to go," he said with a smile.

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**A/N: so i hope you liked chapter one leave a review and ill give you a virtual pineapple :D**


	2. Fast & Slow

_here's chapter two for you! dont forget to read and review! lololol... yeah i'm a little crazy... sorry about that :D_

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**Fast & Slow**

"Hahaha! You'll never get me Gus! I'm just too fast for you!"

"That's what you think Shawn."

"No way dude. I _know_ it."

"How do you _know_ it?"

"Duh, dude. I'm _psychic_. Did you forget?" Shawn said with a huge smile on his face.

"Shawn…" Gus said crossly.

"Dude. Where'd you go?"

"You know exactly where I went. You just killed me again."

"No I didn't. I was just about to but then you were gone."

"Then who killed me?"

"I think someone hacked into our game… Hey!"

"What happened?"

"My guy just got killed."

"Don't look at me," Gus said holding up his hands.

"Sweet justice!" the head detective of the SBPD exclaimed.

"Carlton? What's the matter?" his partner asked as she walked up to his desk with an armload of paperwork.

"Nothing, nothing," Lassiter replied, a little too quickly while attempting to shield the screen of his computer.

With raised eyebrows the junior detective gave her partner a questioning look.

"Don't you have paperwork to do O'Hara," Lassiter snapped. When he was satisfied that she wasn't going to turn back, he uncovered his screen and started to type.

"Dude! I'm getting a message from the guy who wiped us out."

"Hey, so am I. What's yours say?"

"_Looks like I'm too fast for you slowpokes._ And its signed 'DirtyHarry68.'"

"Mine says the same thing. Who do you think this 'DirtyHarry68' is?"

"Who do we know that likes that movie?"

"I don't know… Oh, hey did you know that he's pretty much one of Lassie's icons?"

Gus looked over at his best friend, "You don't think…"

"It couldn't be…" Shawn said in disbelief.

"Do you think we should…?" Gus asked as he stood up and grabbed his keys.

"I call shotgun!" Shawn shouted as he raced out the door.

At the station, Detective Lassiter slowly reclined in his chair. "I wonder how long it'll take them to figure out it was me," he grinned.

"Hey Lassie!" a familiar voice called from the front of the station.

Carlton groaned his grin quickly replaced with a frown. "That was incredible too fast for my liking."

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**A/N: there it is, dont forget to review... tell me if you love & or hate it... kthxbai ;)**


	3. Left & Right

_so here's the third chapter. enjoy :D_

_disclaimer: i dont own shawn, gus, or the psychmobile..._

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**Left & Right**

Andy sat in the back of the Psychmobile with a map spread out across her lap. Shawn was taking her and Gus somewhere, and even though she had the map in front of her, she still wasn't exactly sure where that somewhere was. And now she was getting carsick from looking at the map for so long.

"Hey Gus, can you take this? I'm feeling a little sick."

"Yeah, sure," he said taking the map from her. "You're not going to throw up all over the seats, are you?"

"Don't be such a wary walrus, Gus. I just need to stop reading the map and roll down my window a little," she replied as she opened one of the back windows a crack.

"Dude, am I turning anytime soon?" Shawn asked interrupting Gus from saying anything back to Andy.

"You're gonna want to take a left when we get to the fork, Shawn."

"Right."

"No dude, a left."

"Yeah right, I got it Gus."

"Shawn, I keep telling you. It's a left!"

"Yes. Right. I've got it, dude."

"Left!"

"Right!"

"Shawn, if you don't take a left I'm gonna hurt you."

"Shut it!" Andy exclaimed from the back. "Shawn, turn left. And Gus, you know he's just doing that just to majorly annoy you. So both of you be quiet."

Shawn looked at her through the rearview mirror and grinned. "Yes, ma'am," he said teasingly.

Gus silently thanked her through a fist bump. Andy shook her head with a smile and sat back, relaxing.

"So Gus, which way do I have to go?" Shawn asked with a goofy grin plastered on his face.

Gus rolled his eyes at his best friend. This was going to be a long ride…

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**A/N: sorry for the shortness of it. other than that, i hope you liked it and please leave a review thanks :D**


	4. Dark & Light

so this one's a tad more serious than the others. :)

disclaimer: nope... i checked, and i still don't own anything recognizable.

* * *

**Dark & Light**

_Man, its dark. And why does my head hurt so much. _Shawn groaned. _And the entire rest of my body…_

Shawn felt someone's hands on his face. He groaned again.

"Ohmigod. Shawn? Shawn, come on," a voice that sounded suspiciously like Andy's said.

"Shawn, don't do this to us. Come on man, wake up," another voice said. That one sounded like Gus.

"Gus, call an ambulance," the-voice-that-sounded-like-Andy said sounding panicky.

"Gus! Stop looking at the blood and dial already!"

"Ok... ok, sorry."

"It's alright. Just don't... don't look at him... he'll be okay," she said. "Please be okay," she whispered to Shawn.

_Hmm… Why do they sound so far away?_ Shawn wondered as he slowly started to slip back into the darkness.

**_psychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsychpsych_**

Shawn woke up to an annoying beeping sound. He tried to lift his hand to wave the sound away but someone was gripping it tightly. He sighed and slowly opened his eyes to see what was clutching his hand. As his eyes eased open, they were assaulted by a way too bright light causing him to jerk his head to the side as he quickly reclosed his poor eyes.

Whoever was holding his hand must've seen Shawn's movements because suddenly his hand was free of its iron grip. He heard the door to whatever room he was in open and Andy yell, "Mr. Spencer! Gus! He's awake!"

Shawn then heard two more sets of feet enter his room, which he assumed was in a hospital due to the beeping and the slowly increasing pain that he figured was held off by the remnants of medicine in his system.

"Shawn?" Gus asked tentatively.

"Dude," he rasped in reply.

"Shawn, you are the biggest idiot I know," Gus said. "…What's the matter with your eyes?"

"The lights…" Shawn said. Andy walked over and switched them off. Once he was sure they were off he slowly opened his eyes again.

"Hey, guys," he said weakly.

"Shawn…"

"Dad, I know you're dying to lecture me. But can it wait till I'm all better?"

"Fine," his father acquiesced with a huff. Shawn sighed and looked around the room. He noticed a pineapple with a bow on it and two get well cards sitting on a table next to the window. Looking at his father, Gus, and Andy, Shawn noticed they all had light bags under their eyes.

"Dude, how long was I out?"

"A day and a half," Andy replied.

"And you all stayed here?"

Gus nodded.

"Aww, I knew you guys loved me," he said with a grin. "Come get a hug!" he said holding his arms open, ready for an embrace. "Ow," he exclaimed, quickly lowering his arms before anyone moved towards him.

"What's the matter?" Andy and Gus asked at the same time.

"I think my meds are wearing off… ouch…" he whined. "Everything huuuurrts."

"Well that's what you get for blindly running into places, without calling for back up."

Shawn heaved a sigh, further hurting his… everything…

Gus saw the expression of pain that flickered across his best friend's face. He pressed the call button on the side of Shawn's bed. A few seconds later, a doctor entered the room.

"Ah, Mr. Spencer. Glad to see you're awake. How are you feeling?" the doctor asked.

"Everything huuuurrts," Shawn whined to the doctor.

"Yes well, that's to be expected," he replied checking all of Shawn's vitals. "Everything seems to be working fine. You're very lucky Mr. Spencer. If your friends here hadn't found you when they did, you very well may not have made it."

Shawn looked down at his hands and started picking at his thumb nail.

"Well Mr. Spencer. How would you like for me to relieve your pain for now."

"Yes please," Shawn said with a grateful smile as he lay back in the bed.

When the doctor left, Shawn unsuccessfully tried to stifle a yawn and said, "You guys should all go home and get some rest. I'll be fine." He smiled as he closed his eyes.

The last thing Shawn felt was Andy sliding her hand into his just before he slipped back into the comfortable darkness.

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Chapter End Notes:

ok i hope you enjoyed...

...now all i ask is for your review :D


	5. Lose & Find

**i heart shawn :D**

* * *

**Lose & Find**

"Shawn, where is my iPod?" Gus asked as he sat down at his desk in the Psych office.

"Did you check your car, dude?"

"I would have, but my keys have gone missing too. Have you seen them?"

"Sorry, dude. I have no idea where either of your things are."

"Well, how about my wallet?"

"Nope. Have you asked Andy?"

"_Shawn_," Gus said angrily.

"Yes Gus?" Shawn replied, innocently.

"Shawn!" Andy yelled as she stormed into the office.

"Andy!" Shawn said happily, embracing the angry girl in front of him.

"Shawn, where are my keys and my DS... and my iPod… you know what? Where's my purse?" she said unsuccessfully trying to wiggle out of his hug.

Breaking the embrace, he looked between her and Gus and said, "Man, you guys _both_ lost your stuff? That's a little weird."

"He's got your stuff too?" Andy asked Gus.

"Yup. And we're not gonna find it until he wants us to."

"Great…"

_ring, ring_

"I got it," Andy said walking over to the phone. "Hi, you've reached Psych… ah!" she said dropping the phone.

"What's the matter?" Gus asked.

"It's for you Shawn," she said picking the receiver up and holding it at arm's length towards Shawn. Henry's voice could be heard very clearly. He sounded furious… and that was putting it lightly. Gus and Andy were both glaring at their friend.

Shawn finally acquiesced and taking the phone from Andy's extended arm said, "Hi, Dad... No I haven't seen your fishing pole… or your whisk." Holding the phone away from his ear as his father started screaming again, Shawn sighed. Pulling it back to his ear, he quickly said, "Maybe your neighbor took it all, Gottagobye," before hanging up.

"If you don't tell us where all our stuff is, I'm gonna call Lassiter, Shawn," Gus stated, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, you might not want to do that…"

"_Why_ _not, Shawn_?"

"Shawn, what did you hide of his?" Andy asked looking out the window to see her uncle's Crown Victoria pull up in front of the office.

Following her gaze, Shawn looked out the front window to see an angry Detective Lassiter storming towards the front door with murder in his eyes. "Uh, oh. I gotta go," he said as he dashed out the back door.

"_SPENCER!!_" the head detective exploded as soon as he opened the front door.

Andy and Gus both jumped out of their skins.

"_Where is he?_" Carlton asked menacingly, after noticing the pseudo-psychic was not in the room.

"We have no idea," Andy said.

"But as soon as we find him, I'm gonna kill him…"

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**i would love you if you left a review please and thanks :D**


	6. Curly & Straight

**hola guys. heres chap. 6... sorry for the wait**

**so this chappy might be the first part of a couple more parts but idk yet. dont forget to tell me what you think! :D**

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**Curly & Straight**

"Guys, hurry up! We're gonna lose our reservation if we don't leave soon!" Gus yelled to the bathroom door. Turning towards Shawn and Carlton, he asked, "What is taking so long?"

Lassiter just shrugged his shoulders and put the present he was holding down on Shawn's desk.

"They're girls, dude. It's like their job to take way too long getting ready. Right, Lassie-face?" Shawn answered.

The head detective rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't talk if I was you, Spencer. Or did you forget that you only _just_ finished fixing your hair."

"Yes, but look how awesome it is," the fake psychic replied with a goofy grin.

"Come on, girls!" Gus said again. "What are you doing in there?"

"We'll be out in a few, Gus. Andy's hair isn't staying in its curls," Juliet called through the door.

"Does it have to be curly?" Gus replied.

"Yes," both girls said, simultaneously.

"Can't it just be straight, like always?"

"Nope, it looks cuter in curls," Andy replied.

"Gus, don't be a Speedy Gonzalez. We'll get there with loads of time to spare. Why don't you go start the car if you're so worried," Shawn said as he got settled on the couch.

"Fine, I'll be back in a minute," he said grabbing a set of keys off his desk.

"Andy, if you two don't hurry, you're going to miss your entire birthday!" Lassiter called.

"We're _coming_!" she called back. "Jeez. You'd think someone's gonna die if we don't finish now," she said to Juliet, giggling.

Juliet laughed, "Yeah, but by the way it sounds out there, Gus very well might."

"True."

"Alright, all done. What do you think?"

Looking into the mirror Andy said, "It looks great. Thanks, Juliet."

"My pleasure," she replied turning to open the door.

Before opening it she hesitated and turned back towards Andy. "Do you think we have time to straighten my hair better?" she asked with a wicked grin.

They heard someone starting one of the cars in front of the Psych office. Andy looked down at her watch and then back to the junior detective in front of her. Matching Juliet's wicked smile, she replied, "I believe we have just enough time."

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**tell me what you thought please and thanks! :D**


	7. Empty & Full

ok so the _**chtzz**_ is the sound of a walkie talkie... just so you know.

also... this one is a bit longer than the rest... just so you know. :)

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**Empty & Full**

_**chtzz**_ "Juliet, are you there? Over." _**chtzz**_ Juliet heard Andy whisper from her belt.

"Yeah, I'm here, Andy. Over," she replied into her walkie-talkie.

_**chtzz**_ "Do you see either of the guys? Over." _**chtzz**_

"Yeah, I got Gus before, but that was about fifteen minutes ago. So he should be back in now. I haven't even seen Shawn yet. Over."

_**chtzz**_ "Copy that… oh hold on a sec."** _chtzz_**

She held her breath for a few seconds until she heard, "Dang it! Not again!" followed by a loud, short burst of laughter. Juliet smiled from her hiding place.

_**chtzz**_ "You there? Over." _**chtzz**_

"Yeah. You get Gus again? Over."

_**chtzz**_ "Yup, fifth time. Making this his eighth time he's had to sit out. You've been out twice, and neither Shawn nor I have been hit yet. Knock on wood. And I'm almost empty. Over." _**chtzz**_

"You two are really good at this game. And if you come by me, I can give you some more." _Shhfwoop. Splat!_ "Shawn!"

"Sorry, Jules. But you may want to whisper quieter when you're talking to Andy," Shawn said grinning. "Gotta go."

.

_**chtzz**_ "Andy, be on the lookout for Shawn. He just got me again. Over." _**chtzz**_

"Thanks for the warning, Jules," Andy said with a sigh. _Great, _now_ where am I gonna get more ammo, _she thought to herself. She jumped down from the tree she had been hiding in.

.

.

_Time to go stealth,_ Shawn thought. _Hmm… I wonder where she could be hiding._

_._

_._

_He can't be too far from where Juliet was. _

_._

_._

_She's probably still around where Gus went down again. Most likely in a tree. __chtzz_ "Have you found her yet, Shawn? Over." _chtzz_

_._

_._

_I know he's on foot. Probably staying low to the ground. __chtzz_ "Have you found him yet, Andy? Over." _chtzz_

_._

_._

"Crap," they both said at the same time, each ducking behind the nearest tree.

.

"Shawn?" Andy called.

"Hey, Andy. How ya doing?" he called back.

"Just peachy actually. You?" she said.

"Pretty good, seeing as I still have almost a full thing of paintballs and, from what I heard on Jules's walkie-talkie, you're running on empty," he replied. _Shhfwoop, shhfwoop, shhfwoop._

_Splat, splat, splat. _"I have no idea what you're talking about, birthday boy," she said looking around for something to help her begin to climb the tree she was hiding behind.

"Oh but I think you do," he said as he shot three more times in the direction of Andy's voice.

"You can waste all the paintballs you want you are never going to hit me." _Shhfwoop._

_Splat._ "Don't even think about climbing any trees Little Lassie."

"Ha ha, _Little Lassie_? Good one, psychic. Hey, I have an idea. How about, on the count of three, we both come out in the open."

"Alright, sounds good… wait, on three, or on go?"

"On three."

"Alright, ready? One…"

"Two…"

"Three!" they said together as they jumped out of their hiding spots. Both had their guns trained on the other as they walked towards each other.

"You're pretty good, you know that? How many times did you get Gus?"

"Five. But that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Gus is terrible at being stealth."

"True." They were about a yard and a half away from each other now. "So, just out of curiosity, how many shots do you have left?"

"Three," she replied not taking her eyes or gun off him. "And nice try."

Shawn shrugged. Andy shot once at him and he just barely dodged it. "Whoa, nice shot. Who taught you how to shoot?"

"My uncle. How about you?"

"My dad. Two shots left."

"Yes I know thanks."

"You know, I _could _stand here all day. I have the ammo."

"That is true, but in a few minutes, Gus and Juliet will be back in the game. Then the question becomes, will Gus be able to get me? Or will Jules get you first?"

"Hmm. Gus isn't the best shot, is he? We could just call a truce."

"We could…" Andy said suspiciously.

"I'm serious, you and me call a truce, then we go hunt down each other's partners and get them again."

"Ok, we put our guns down on three."

"One… two… three!" _Shhfwoop. Shhfwoop._

_._

_._

"Andy? Are you there? Over."** _chtzz_** "Andy?"

.

.

"Shawn, where are you?" _**chtzz**_ "Dude this isn't funny."

.

.

Gus and Juliet both entered the clearing that Shawn and Andy were occupying. They both saw each other before they saw Shawn and Andy together and both shot off a few paintballs. Jules hit Gus in the arm. Gus missed, but not by much.

"Dang it!" he yelled. Then he said, "Shawn! What do you two think you're doing?"

"Yeah, guys. We're in the middle of a game," added Juliet.

Breaking apart Shawn and Andy looked at their friends. "Sorry guys," Andy said looking a little guilty.

Shawn, on the other hand, stood his ground. "Hey. Last time I checked it was _my_ birthday which means, as I recall, that I can kiss whoever I want… in fact… Gus! Buddy! Come give me a birthday kiss!"

"Shawn… don't even think about it man," Gus said, backing away from his friend.

"Come on dude, you know you want to," Shawn said moving closer.

"Shawn, I swear, if you come any closer…" Gus kept walking backwards, away from Shawn's open arms.

"Gus. I know you know I know you know you want this."

"I will empty my paintballs on you… Shawn. Shawn? _Shawn!_" Shawn started chasing his best friend grinning like a crazy person. Gus open fired on the pseudo-psychic while trying to elude him.

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did you like it? :) i did. heheh


	8. Tired & Energetic

I'm ssooooooo sorry for the wait. But here it is. :D

* * *

**Tired & Energetic**

Gus walked into the Psych office at 9am. It was empty; Shawn had forgotten to lock it again. Gus walked over to his desk and sat down heavily. He was exhausted. He had been out almost all night with Shawn and Andy. If he hadn't needed to go to his _real_ job this morning, he would've still been asleep. He didn't even expect his two friends to come in until 10 o'clock at the earliest, so Gus decided to stop by the office for a short nap. Gus went over and lied down on the couch falling asleep almost instantly.

! ? ! ? !

Shawn and Andy raced into the Psych office making a lot of noise. The two were practically bouncing off the walls.

"I win!" Shawn shouted, doing a victory dance.

"You didn't win. You're a big fat cheater," Andy said crossly, taking a sip of her smoothie.

Shawn pretended to look affronted. "Dude, how could you even think that? That hurts, Andy. Hurts right here," he said placing his hand over his heart.

Andy rolled her eyes as Shawn scooped her into a bear hug and planted kisses all over her face, causing her to dissolve into a fit of giggles.

A groan resounded from the couch causing the couple to scream and jump apart.

"Uuuuuuggggggghhhhhnnnnnnnnn…," Gus groaned as he sat up rubbing his eyes groggily.

"Oh man, Gus, way to scare the crap outta us," said Andy.

"Dude, what happened? You look terrible," Shawn said.

Gus looked at the fake psychic angrily. "What happened? I was out till four in the morning because you wouldn't let me go home and sleep even though I told you I had a meeting at seven! Because of you I got two and a half hours of sleep. Not even! I was falling asleep during my meeting, which I'm sure made a _great_ impression on my boss, and to top it all off, I lost two people on my route Shawn. Two people!"

"Feeling any better?" Shawn asked.

Gus huffed and crossed his arms angrily. Looking at anything but his friend he grumpily said, "Yes."

"Good, cause we got you a smoothie," he replied as Andy handed it to the sleep deprived man. "Oh, and Jules called, she needs us at a scene. Said it was a suicide murder."

"It's supposed to be pretty cut and dry, but Uncle Carlton doesn't think it is."

"How do you know what he thinks?" Gus asked sipping his smoothie.

"Cause otherwise Juliet wouldn't've been the one to call. And she also wouldn't have called from the crime scene with Uncle Carlton yelling at the CSIs in the background."

"Come on Sleepy McDreamerson, I'll drive!" Shawn said grabbing Gus's keys off his desk and bouncing out of the office energetically.

"Hey Andy?"

"Yeah?"

"What time is it?"

"Umm… 9:18, why?"

Gus groaned loudly as they walked out of the office, both forgetting to lock up. "Shawn is _so _gonna get it one of these days…"

Andy smiled as she skipped over to the Psychmobile. "How about I take shotgun, so you can relax in the backseat," she said laughing at the faces Shawn was making.

Gus just stood in front of his car looking as grumpy as ever until Shawn honked the horn almost causing the poor man to have a heart attack. As he climbed into the backseat, he said, "You two are seriously trying to kill me, aren't you."

"How could you even think that dude?" Shawn asked glancing at his friend through the rearview mirror while unsuccessfully stifling a smile.

"Yeah Gus, we love you," Andy said also smiling. She looked back at their tired companion when he didn't reply and laughed. Gus was fast asleep.

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Thanks for reading! I'd love you forever if you reviewed it now. :D


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